THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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