I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
