Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
