I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
