well you can't waste a boner
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
True strength comes from lack of pants
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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