We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I understand Curling. That high.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
