I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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