I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
