Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
