she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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