if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
