I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
