its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I understand Curling. That high.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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