Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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