Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How external is "for external use only"?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
