I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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