i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
