I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
