I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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