it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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