is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
