Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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