New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
