Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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