If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize