just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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