Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
