I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
