Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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