So drunk its hurt
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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