she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
