I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
