Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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