Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
