apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
