Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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