i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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