See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
