And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
