All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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