You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
