On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
