he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize