If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she told me i tasted like america
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
