It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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