this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
