You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize