If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
