Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
