I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
