I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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