FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
