Sponge bath it is.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
