he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
