He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
