The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
