I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
