Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
