In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
