Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
