I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
