If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize