Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
