Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
