my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
