Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
