and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
