i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
