The maid of honor just puked.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
