What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I died a long time ago.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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