I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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