I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
