Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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